Harry Potter CAKE DAY!
by BountyHunterGirl134
Summary: Wacked out crack fic :P Dumbledore decides to throw Cake Day at Hogwarts. Starring Mad-Eye's fake leg, Belarusian phrases, and Snape with a fluffy pink towel, this story will make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL! U PLEASE R & R!


Cake Day

**It was cake day. If it makes you feel any better to know what kind of cake it was, it was strawberry. Not that they knew. Dumbledore just has secrets like that.**

**Disclaimer: I only own my mind :P Anyone who copyrights it DIES *fires up taser***

When the Not-So-Golden-More-Britishly-White Trio entered the Great Hall on February the 30th, their eyes were immediately bombarded with the sight of sugar. EVERYWHERE. And I mean _EVERYWHERE_.

Seamus Finnigan doesn't even want to talk about it.

Cakes of every size, shape, flavour, and color littered every table. Candies, muggle and wizard alike, were scattered by the trabillions randomly along those same tables. Cupcakes fell from the fake celing, where rainbow unicorns were having their 8:37 morningly tea. Every teacher was sitting on a throne of brownies except Dumbledore, who was sitting on a shrine of Snickers bars. Each teacher was also dressed in cotton candy robes. Dumbledore was wearing a black bonnet with a skull and crossbones on it. For *eh hem* medical reasons, of course...

Ron squealed, "OH MY GAWD!" in delight and dove into the nearest giant bucket of anti-gummy bears, who began to do an ancient Indian ritual while he nomed on the blurple ones.

Hermione took one bite of a Pumpkin Pasty, screamed like a banshee on Kwanza, then made her hair look like the bride of Frankenstein while yelling, "I'M BATMAN! MWAHAHAHAHA!" She then proceeded to pull Mad-Eye Moody's metallic leg out of nowhere and start beating Ernie MacMillan and Zacharius Smith over the heads with it, who both started shrieking like girls and went to hide behind Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil.

Harry unhinged his jaw and swallowed umpteen cakes whole, then rehinged it, threw on a military helmet, grabbed a gumball cannon, screamed "FREEDOM FOR HUMDINGERS!" and started shooting pixies while making many "HI-YAH!" noises.

Luna stuffed thirty fruit snack packets into her mouth, then knocked out Draco Malfoy, put him in a chartruse burlap sack, and went off to sacrifice him to the Braferta Giggle-Stump while wearing a crown made of rubber otters.

Ginny put on white eye contacts and a green wig, then ran outside and dumped vanilla extract all over Cedric Diggory's conviently placed grave. She then hopped around on her left foot 970 times while shouting to the Heavens, _"MO ZA XIM OPILA OBILQUE PORGHY OBA TUNUUSA!" _Cedric then came back to life AS A HUMAN COMPLETELY NON-VAMPIRE, took Ginny's hands, and they skipped over to the Whomping Willow, where they fed it blueberry muffins with _LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF PEPPER_.

Neville threw off his shirt, had Dean Thomas temporarily tatoo an inside-out, upside down bunny rabbit on his stomach, then ballerina leaped onto the Slytherin table, where he drop-kicked Pansy Parkinson's face before dancing the mamba.

Cho strangled Lee Jordan, then took his beret when he passed out. She then sung a haiku at the top of her lungs in the middle of the Great Hall, and bowed when the staff burst into applause. Snape was sobbing into a pink fluffy towel with greasy happiness.

Fred and George each grabbed an armful of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, yelled, "Убачымся, прысоскі!" then tossed off their shoes and ran into the Forbidden Forest, laughing maniacally, never to be sen again until next Tuesday.

Lupin came running in, dragging newly ressurected Sirius behind him. Sirius changed into a giant taco suit and Remus changed into a toga before they both shouted "TREACLE TARTS ARE FOR DRUGGIES!" and ran around in equilateral triangles.

Dobby painted himself rainbow colored, dressed all the other elves like chicken, then fed Kreacher rocky road ice cream with a platypus spatula.

The rest of the hall was in the middle of the biggest food fight in history. The Hufflepuffs were throwing Sour Patch Kids everywhere, the Ravenclaws were tykuandoing caramel apples at everything, and the Slytherins were dancing the Makerana, except for Blaise Zabini, who was breakdancing while a large crowd around him yelled, "GO BLA-ISE! GO BLA-ISE!" Professor Flitwick was chucking marshmellows at everyone's obliques. Slughorn had curled up his fingers and was hissing, "Ke ke ke ke ke," over and over. Professor Lockhart was running around with a red bandana tied around his head and a sword made of Chocolate Frogs while screaming like a ninja on ten bazillion gallons of firewhiskey. Professor McGonnagal was shrieking like a caw-caw bird, and Professor Binns was making monkey noises while knitting a hat made of artificial bacon and wearing a turtle. Professor Sprout was breaking Bulgarian garden knomes against her knee. Professor Trelawney was stuffing ducks into Christmas stockings while predicting the world's next deadliest plague at the same time. Dumbledore was slowly sucking on his random lemon drops, and thinking about how much he wanted his Jedi robe and replica Dumbledore wig right then.  
_  
MEANWHILE IN THE CORNER..._

Collin Creevy just snickered as he sucked on his Juicy Drop Pop and played with his orange jumper cables.

**-_- This is what happens when you're up 'til 4:15 in the morning after National Weed Day. I don't support it, but if I burn it I might get in trouble for drug abuse from hypocrite authority :P Just saying.**

NOTES:

1) "Убачымся, прысоскі!" means "See ya', suckers!" in Belarusian :P Blame Google Translate.  
2) When I first came up with this story, there were no notes. There was just sleep deveivation and the urge to write an ironic crack fic.  
3) If you didn't understand what you just read, THEN YOU GET A FREE VIRTUAL COOKIE ^U^  
4) I was watching Phineas and Ferb while I wrote this.  
5) I like cheeseburgers.  
6) My crush is a nerd.  
7) Retro Alice in Wonderland would make me scream.  
8) SOMEONE BUY ME CHOCOLATE!  
9) I love Harry Potter more than life itself.  
10) One day they'll make a tazer extention for the end of the iPhone, and  
THEN YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY.  
11) Twilight Sucks. BIGGER FACT.  
12) I'ma gonna be a famous novelist one day. BIGGEST FACT.  
13) Bananas have potassium.  
14) MY PHONE IS POSSESSED.  
15) I LOVE HARRY POTTER SO MUCH I'LL DIIIIEEEEEEE.  
16) I'm writing these facts for no other reason than to be stupid.  
17) Except the last one.  
18) That one you should read.  
19) A few words first: BLIBBER BLUBBER MOCASIN APPLES TWIDDLE WITHOUT DIDDLE DOO MAY CHUNGA.  
20) I want a monster truck. A LOT. So I can turn people into squishy goo.

**21) Ginny's ritual chant was made up by me and my fingers, who I extend much gratitude for tying the random letters for me.  
22) I wonder what people will think when they read this :P  
23) I hope they review.  
24) They BETTER review.  
25) If you don't review, I will send Martin the Giant Evil Muffin after you. Fact.  
**


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